There’s a new craze in the bowling world, and it’s cosmic bowling. It’s popping up in every city and every town and the kids seem to really be into it. It may be tempting to try it out if you’re a serious or even professional bowler, but you really shouldn't. It’s like when the NHL started putting a blue haze around the puck on televised hockey games: it’s catering to the new fan, the people who don’t understand the sport and how it should be played. Same for people who want to put more of a time limit on baseball. Cosmic bowling is bowling for people of the rave generation, the people who are in it for an experience as opposed to a sport. Here’s why pros shouldn't do cosmic bowling.
1. You Can’t See the Arrows
Lining up your body to the arrows on the lanes is essential to improving your game. You know this. You want consistency in every delivery. If you can’t see the orientation arrows on the lanes, how are you going to know where you’re starting, and how will you be able to repeat the delivery. If you’re just into throwing the ball down the lane and not caring how many pins you’re knocking down, or how to pick up the split, then fine, you can do cosmic bowling. But if you’re serious at all, you’ll be annoyed.
2. You’ll Be Too Drunk
One thing about cosmic bowling is because of the rave-like environment, you’ll be inspired to drink probably more than you should if you’re really going to have a consistent game. It’s the bright lights that make it feel like a party and you’ll want to be part of it. Plus everyone around you will be celebrating like it’s a big party and you won’t want to be that square holding back, worrying about maximizing your points on your spare in the 8th frame. Bowling takes a high degree of control, that same control that is lost from excessive
3. Nothing You’ve Learned Before Will Be Applicable
Bowling is a highly refined sport, and if you’ve ever gotten a how to book from bowling shoes and gone through the lessons, you will not be able to use any of what you’ve learned since the parameters will all be messed up. There will be no consistency between the more tame, typical alley and the insane environment of the cosmic bowling alley. Maybe bowling shoes should sell a book specifically about how to change your game for cosmic bowling, but until they do, you won’t be able to improve at all.
4. Such Loud Music and Screaming People
Country music or some CCR is a great soundtrack to the bowling alley. But disco or hip hop or trance or techno is not. It’s not the way bowling was meant to be done. In the cosmic bowling alley, the emphasis is on loud music, creating a party environment, and if you’re a professional bowler you will be annoyed as opposed to amused. It’s like if a professional football player went to play flag football with a bunch of the drama-house kids on campus. They wouldn’t even know the rules of the very game that they make their living in.